I think people probably assume that the hardest trial I have ever faced has been my battle with cancer. That hasn't been my greatest trial. For the past 30 years my greatest trial has been my in-laws. They have had issue with me since they first met me.  Being that I had not said anything except "hello, it is a pleasure to meet you" and the first words out of their mouth was "you aren't white are you", I can only assume it started out with my race. Through the years they have been critical of every aspect of my life. Most years I have done very well with looking past it and still being able to say I love them. This year has been especially trying.
I do love them for many reasons. They are my husband's parents, they are good people, they devote much of their time in service of others, they have given much to others in money and time.
The simple fact is that they just don't like me. I came to this realization a month ago. Yup, I guess I am a slow learner as it has taken 30 years for me to figure that one out! lol
I am a fare and just person and evidently a forgiving person as I really feel that most people would have run for the hills with all that has happened regarding my husband's parents. I have never understood how they and for that matter, anyone who claims to be a follower of Christ can be so purposely hurtful towards another human being. I would understand their disdain for me if I was a bad mother, wife or person but I am a good person.  At first I thought that once they got to know me and saw how I am with my children and husband they most certainly would change their mind. There was a moment, although short, that I thought they had come around but they have not.
What I have come to realize, when I look upon myself, is that I am the type of person that wants the people around me to be happy and to like me. What I wish I had done was to concentrate on being happy and be confident in who I am and live an adage that my husband truly lives by and I wish I had lived by too. The adage is, "what other people think of me is none of my business".

What is difficult about this adage for me is how to accomplish this and not come across mean or hurtful. My husband is able to accomplish this and be so kind about it.  I am a different personality though and all my feelings are carried in my face and truly felt in my being. I would make the worse poker player!
Not to feel hurt...?...sigh...!?....what a statement..........I read the words and look down, look away from the computer, shake my head, close my eyes and I feel sorrow.  This feels so impossible but I have never believed in the word impossible. I know all things are possible. It will be my next great challenge.