I have been thinking. That statement alone should scare anyone.: ) I don't like the word regret or the phrase "if only".  I do like the words hope, love, and faith.
I have been struggling with some unresolved feelings for a while now. I really don't understand why they have shown up now. Right after I finished chemo I had this amazing feeling where I felt so free of negative thoughts of any kind. I resolved in my mind that I would live the rest of my life not being worried about what some people think or let it get to me. Then a year went by and I still felt the same but it was like someone out there said, "let's see if I can break you". It is not important what it is that is negatively affecting me but it is important to understand how to resolve the conflict I feel inside.  I do understand that I make the decision to allow something to affect me. I am affected!!! I sit here looking at the computer screen, making faces, sighing, and squeezing my lips together and I know I need to move past this. I am angry that I am not getting past this and I am lost on how to resolve it. So, here is my plan for this week. Pray each night and morning and pray at lunch because eating out is so scarey now a days. Read something uplifting for 15 minutes each day and read the scriptures for 15 minutes each day. The scriptures might come first because I get lost on the "who begot who" thing. :D I am going to exercise for 15 minutes some time during the day each day. And I am going to take some time to meditate and breath. Well, I was breathing before but I am not sure I have ever taken a full breath or exhaled fully either. It takes too much thought. :P
I really don't want to have regrets or wish I had only so I am hoping that doing these things will help instill the positive words in my life more fully. Wish me luck!
P.S. The fast went well and I got over the allergic reaction faster.