My daughter called me yesterday. As we spoke she made a comment that struck me. She said, "you've changed since the cancer." I asked if it was in a bad way or a good way. She said neither, just changed. I think I would have preferred good or bad. "Neither" sounds so stagnant. I thought about it and I never got angry at having cancer but about a year after I was done with chemo, I did get angry at myself as I felt I had let people hurt me and say things to me that I should not have allowed. People had said of me, "it's OK, she does not get offended or she is strong, she can handle it or don't worry about her she can take care of herself." It did not allow me to express what I was really feeling. That changed after chemo I started saying what I thought and walking away from people and situations I did not like. I am not sure why I did that but I think I know I was angry, really angry. It wasn't comfortable. I have looked at things a little more and you know, I am strong. I did not let people hurt me, I could not control their words but I chose how I was going to respond. I picked my battles carefully and I have few regrets about how I responded then. After the cancer, for that years time, I have a few regrets. We can allow ourselves to go down paths we know won't bring us greater peace. It is time to find the me that used to pray for the best, forget the worst and always have faith.